Saturday, October 30, 2010

Theres nothing in this world..

Fuck all the drama its just a constant annoyance, everyone just wants to be happy so sort out your shit and get on with life. I was with him for 14 months of my life, you girls were with him for a few weeks, which one do you think hes going to choose? Grow up and realise im not the one to be hating, its yourself. If you do have a problem with me could you atleast come up to my face instead of yelling nasty things across a whole paddock, pretty pathetic to be honest. We will both always love each other thats just the way it is. We wont ever be able to be separated if we are boyfriend and girlfriend, mates or bestfriends we will always need each others company. If any of you are mad at me for that then fuck you. He is the only boy on this planet that can make me feel happy, beautiful, special and angelic all at the same time. To you hes a heartbreaking jerk but to me hes my first love and always will be.

Friday, October 29, 2010


What if i had a thing on the side? Made you cry? Would the rules change up or would they still apply? If i played you like a toy.. Sometimes i wish i did act like a boy.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dear Tummy,
sorry for all the butterflies.

Dear Pillow,
sorry for all the tears.

Dear Heart,
sorry for all the damage.

Dear Brain,
you were right.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

I miss you

I have had such an amazing weekend! especially last night it was so much fun. I havent seen you in about four months, ive missed you so god damn much and when i saw you my heart started racing just like it used to. When you left you took that peice of my heart with you and just being with you and waking up next to you just made me the happiest ive been in so long. We are meant to be just mates but we acted as if we were together again. I thought we could make this work and atleast try be friends but you cant. You cant do it for my sake, you think im over you because im happy? im happy because i have you. All your really doing is thinking of yourself and not at all on how much this is effecting me. I wish i didnt have to stare at this stupid screen in tears while looking at our pictures and thinking back on the memories. I really thought you werent going to give up on me again but once again i didnt think to how much this would hurt.

The thing that sucks is that i cant stop you from ripping out my heart but yet i have to sit there and watch you do it

I held onto you for a month and this is how i get repaid?
You found her? ALLREDY! I hate your guts, your so nasty, thankgod i saw this side of you before i fell even more for  you because now my view on you has completely changed.
I hope you dont break her heart like you shattered mine you dick.
Fuck you for not even trying for me.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

We were given two hands to hold, two legs to walk, two eyes to see, two ears to listen, but why only one heart? because the other was given to someone else to find.

Walking into his room so quietly trying not to disturb him and just snuggling into his blankets with him feels incredible. Feeling his loving beating heart and body against mine, his arms wrapped so tight around me i cant even move, his hot breath on my neck gives me the goosebumps all over, his big brown eyes staring deep into mine makes him seem so scincere and perfect,  feeling him hold my chin and kiss me so sweetly until i can feel his gorgeous big smile beneath mine just makes fireworks pump through my vains. Only he knows how to give me permanent butterflies.

Take a look at what you have. Think of everything you did to get it. Now remember it only takes one second to lose.

I dont know if you know what it feels like to not be good enough for someone, to look in the mirror and think about how much better you would be to that person if your lips eyes or nose changed, to hang with mates and wonder if you had their personality maybe you would want me. I have been screwed over so many times. Ive explained to you how much it hurts to know that i was never good enough, so i decided wait until we were both ready. You sat there and looked into my eyes and had my hands in yours and you told me that you were willing to wait aslong as it took me to build confidence in knowing that you wouldnt hurt me. Now my feelings for you are much stronger and i want you to be mine, but the only thing is that you dont want me like i want you. You tell me your not ready for a girlfriend, but wasnt it you that said you were ready for me whenever? what have i done to make you change your mind? You told me you just want to have a thing. If you realise how hard that is for me to hear you would understand what i feel right now. You like me but not enough. I dont know what to do because it seems like im trying to much. People are saying dont worry about it just play hard to get and wait for him to text you first, wait for him to ask what your doing on the weekend, wait for him to make the effort but really its getting hard. I dont play games with people, i am who i am and if you dont like me for that then why are you bothered? I just want to know if you are the one waking up with a smile on your face, if you are the one telling all your friends about your amazing weekend with me, if you are the one losing sleep at night just because of me and i want to know if you are the one afraid that im going to leave you and move on.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


You treat me so well and you make me so happy all the time. I dont want to let you go, i dont want you to put your shoes on and leave like all the others have done because your so special to me. When we are together our days and nights go so fast and before i know it im missing you. I wish i could be with you all the time cos i cant get enough of you. The only thing that worries me is that i know you are better than me and you are a real ladies man, you just have that charm that every girl wants and it makes me really jealous. But i know you looked into my eyes and told me if you stopped having feelings with me you would tell me so i am going to have to make my heart and my head sync and listen to that. You are everything a girl wants in their man, which is perfection :) Ive fallen for you really fast and i promised myself i wouldnt because i didnt want to get hurt but it feels like you are the right one to fall for. I hope that we will be together officially soon because im tired of waiting allready!

You'll never understand why i hurt so much. Your not the one who is crying. Your not the one who is left behind. Your not the one who loved to much and your not the one who is holding onto someone who is gone.

I want you to know that my weeks are spent thinking about you, and when im out at night i just hope that you would walk around the corner and see me just because you want to. I want you to know that i cant wait till i can get into my bed and cry all my tears for you.

Friday, October 15, 2010

I will always love him i just wont love the way he broke my heart.

I want you to love everything about me. I want you to love the things that i dont. I want you to try for me. I want you to drop your plans just for my sake. I want you to miss me the way i miss you. I want you to love my personality. I want you to laugh with me and have fun. I want to sleep with you and all we do is cuddle. I want you to want me. I dont want you to play me like a toy. I want you to be truthful to me. I want you to feel stronger for me than i do. I want you to listen to songs late at night thinking of me. I want you to take me out just me and you. I want you to get upset if i say i cant see you. I want you to look at me and just get butterflies. I want to be the first thing you think about when you wake up. I want you to show me off infront of your friends. I want you to tell me how you feel. I want you to write my name all over your books and on your arms. I want you to tell everyone how much of an impact i have made in your life. I want you to write me long letters about how you feel for me. I want you to look at my photos everyday and wish you were with me. I want you to read over and over your cute texts that i send you and just feel warm. I want you to cuddle me and feel so close to my heart. I want you to kiss me and feel fireworks in your body. I want you to look into my eyes and feel like nobody else in the world matters. I want you to walk down the street with me and not look at any other girl that passes you by. I want to remember that your only just a boy.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Fresh start :)

After everything that has happened and having my heart thrown around and being played with like a toy i have come to my senses and im just going to live my life with joy and peace! I hate drama it just brings you down and ruins you. I now know not to make myself fall for somebody so fast, i want to get to know them as the real person they are and make sure im making the right decision, not just setting myself up to get hurt. Lately things have been kind of average but now im just going to keep my head up and  ignore the people wanting to bring me down and focus on the ones who are going to pick me up. I have my amazing girls and boys and im going to make the most of my friends, family and life. School will soon be over and summer will soon begin and i just cant wait!

Losing you was like having the worst nightmare after having the best dream

Jess & Nick

The party..

Melissas 18th was so epic :) i met you!! you made my night we danced, sang, kissed and fell to the ground. When i met you i liked everything about you, your gorgeous, happy, amazing personality, generous, honest and kind. I wanted you to be mine and to keep you. The way you were so laid back and chilled i just felt so comfortable with you. We had unbeleiveable times together just looking down on the city, cuddling, going to the beach, watching movies, kissing, going out with your mates, and even just waking up in your arms looking into your gorgeous eyes. I thought you we were amazing together but once again i was wrong, you didnt have as strong feelings as i did for you and that hurt because to me you were so perfect i didnt know where i went wrong. Maybe we will be better off as friends but i just know that i cant get enough of what a beautiful person you are, and i am greatful that i got to have you for an amazing 3 months.

One cant truly experience the beauty of love without enduring the pain that comes with it once it is lost

Jessica && Braden

My teddy he took away from me..
The night i met you was the night i will never forget. 28/05/09. Those nights and days flew by so quick and the feelings came so fast i knew i was in love with you. Through the summer heat and the winter chills you were always there. I never ever wanted to let you go i thought we would last forever.  Every single song reminded me of you, i saw you and would just love jumping into your arms, the feeling you gave me was like a million butterflies trapped in a jar wanting to escape. The only thing that was tearing us apart was my parents and i remember the day i told you my parents approved of you, i felt on top of the world my heart plunged and i just couldnt wait for you to meet them. We had dinner and you stayed for hours just watching movies and hanging out, my parents loved you and the knew by the way i looked at you the amazing effect you had on me. I wrote you the most detailed loving letters that i would just want to keep myself for memory, you bought me a 6foot teddy bear, jewelery and gave me everything you had. I would miss you every single day and i couldnt wait to call you at night and talk on the phone until we fell asleep. But there was just one thing, as times went on we began fighting, and these werent just little fights they would last for days even weeks and it hurt more than anything. You would give up on me and i would cry my eyes out but then i would take you back, i couldnt stand not being with you. A year gone by with you and 14 months later our fights were continuous and pathetic, i cried every night on my mums shoulder just wanting to be happy but the things we kept saying to each other stayed in my mind and i couldnt get over it. You broke my heart, you pushed me away so i did what was right and listened to you like you said, your said it so easily "just leave me go!" and "jess you dont love me" those words killed me and made me so mad. You have no idea what happened after this break up, i went through the worst emotional pain in my life. It was so so hard i spent weeks not knowing what to say think or do, your awful texts and threats just killed me. I want to say FUCK YOU, fuck you for finding her, fuck you for using me, fuck you for lieing, and fuck you for taking away every peice of happiness i ever had. You have destroyed  me and i dont know how i will ever be normal again. You told me you loved me, that has got to be the biggest fucking lie i have ever heard in the whole world and it hurt me the most because i actually thought you meant it. You also took away everything you gave me, all your gifts, letters and love. I hate you for this, i want you to feel my pain. You broke, shattered and demolished my heart. I would never take you back because of those lies you told me, the way you treated me, i was never good enough for you? tell me why 4 months later i still have space for you in my heart. You know i wont ever forget you braden. I loved spending over a year of my life with you, i loved being your gf. I love you. I gave you everything and now it is all taken away and it will never come back. I want to say thankyou and goodbye.