Monday, October 11, 2010

One cant truly experience the beauty of love without enduring the pain that comes with it once it is lost

Jessica && Braden

My teddy he took away from me..
The night i met you was the night i will never forget. 28/05/09. Those nights and days flew by so quick and the feelings came so fast i knew i was in love with you. Through the summer heat and the winter chills you were always there. I never ever wanted to let you go i thought we would last forever.  Every single song reminded me of you, i saw you and would just love jumping into your arms, the feeling you gave me was like a million butterflies trapped in a jar wanting to escape. The only thing that was tearing us apart was my parents and i remember the day i told you my parents approved of you, i felt on top of the world my heart plunged and i just couldnt wait for you to meet them. We had dinner and you stayed for hours just watching movies and hanging out, my parents loved you and the knew by the way i looked at you the amazing effect you had on me. I wrote you the most detailed loving letters that i would just want to keep myself for memory, you bought me a 6foot teddy bear, jewelery and gave me everything you had. I would miss you every single day and i couldnt wait to call you at night and talk on the phone until we fell asleep. But there was just one thing, as times went on we began fighting, and these werent just little fights they would last for days even weeks and it hurt more than anything. You would give up on me and i would cry my eyes out but then i would take you back, i couldnt stand not being with you. A year gone by with you and 14 months later our fights were continuous and pathetic, i cried every night on my mums shoulder just wanting to be happy but the things we kept saying to each other stayed in my mind and i couldnt get over it. You broke my heart, you pushed me away so i did what was right and listened to you like you said, your said it so easily "just leave me go!" and "jess you dont love me" those words killed me and made me so mad. You have no idea what happened after this break up, i went through the worst emotional pain in my life. It was so so hard i spent weeks not knowing what to say think or do, your awful texts and threats just killed me. I want to say FUCK YOU, fuck you for finding her, fuck you for using me, fuck you for lieing, and fuck you for taking away every peice of happiness i ever had. You have destroyed  me and i dont know how i will ever be normal again. You told me you loved me, that has got to be the biggest fucking lie i have ever heard in the whole world and it hurt me the most because i actually thought you meant it. You also took away everything you gave me, all your gifts, letters and love. I hate you for this, i want you to feel my pain. You broke, shattered and demolished my heart. I would never take you back because of those lies you told me, the way you treated me, i was never good enough for you? tell me why 4 months later i still have space for you in my heart. You know i wont ever forget you braden. I loved spending over a year of my life with you, i loved being your gf. I love you. I gave you everything and now it is all taken away and it will never come back. I want to say thankyou and goodbye.

No comments:

Post a Comment